Become Magical & Magnetic on Dating Apps,
And in All of Your Relationships.
08.11.22 | BREAK THE RULES
Recently, I was interviewed by @LatinosWhoPhotograph.
“I'm anti-apps. I hate dating apps.” - said Pedro (one of the photographers interviewing me)
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Let me tell you, he is not nearly
the first person I've heard say this.
To be honest, I said some version of this myself;
before I learned how to show up powerfully.
What I discovered on the dating apps (when I manifested my wife)
was that intention
and
alignment
make a huge difference . . .
In fact, they can make you
m a g i c a l and m a g n e t i c
. . . as long as you're able to show up in an authentic and vulnerable way;
and also have the support and resources to maintain healthy
boundaries all the way through.
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This goes for any venue where you're cultivating relationships
(online or in person) but I know it can be one of those
‘easier said than done’ sort of things.
Look. Stepping into the unknown in your relationships can be scary and super overwhelming, but it can also be full of new opportunities. Opportunities you don't get if you only rely on your usual approach or keep following some made up rules that you might have inherited from society, your family/friends, or someone who may not understand what's truly important to you.
During the interview, I got a lot of questions about wtf a relationship coach even is, how it compares to a counselor or life coach, and how I got into this work in the first place. But if you're here, it's likely that you know all of that already.
So let me share the juice of the convo:
People wanted to know about the enigma that is online dating.
It has so many mysterious factors.
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It's relatively new, given the history of relationships on the planet. Is it really a good way to meet people?
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Most people you know probably HATE IT but by this point, you probably also know at least one outrageously happy couple that met this way (including myself and my wife). So how do some people make it work for them?
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There are so many apps, how do you know the right one to use or the right way to use it ?
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What about all of the games and people's perceptions of you… what if it's awkward af when you meet in person? What if they're a catfish ?!
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How about for people who are older and re-entering the dating world after divorce?
Are the apps worth it or do they make it harder to meet someone?
And yes, if you watch the video linked at the end of this post, we did discuss the answers to many of these questions along with a few more dating app hacks and dating app photo tips.
But you know what was way more interesting?​
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If you listen closely, and read between the lines, these questions all have some judgement or assessment or fears & concerns behind them:
It's relatively new, given the history of relationships on the planet. Is it really a good way to meet people?
Possible underlying concern: what if my family/friends judge me for meeting someone this way?
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Most people you know probably HATE IT but by this point, you probably also know at least one outrageously happy couple that met this way (including myself and my wife). So how do some people make it work for them? Possible underlying concern: am I good enough to make it in this new environment?
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There are so many apps, how do you know the right one to use or the right way to use it?
Possible underlying concern: what if I do it wrong or embarrass myself?
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What about all of the games and people's perceptions of you… what if it's awkward af when you meet in person? What if they're a catfish ?! Possible underlying concern: what if I leave myself vulnerable to getting hurt, judged, or mistreated by strangers?
How about for people who are older and re-entering the dating world after divorce?
Are the apps worth it or do they make it harder to meet someone?
Possible underlying concern: what if I waste my time and energy on something that's just not meant for me?
I say 'possible' underlying concern because there's nuance to this. Each person has their own flavor and context for asking questions about things they're not totally familiar/comfortable with.
So I'd have to actually be in a conversation with you for us to discover what
underlying fears, beliefs, or concerns YOU may have.
I'm pointing out some potentials here so that you can start to look a bit deeper and investigate for yourself.
How often do you examine your beliefs? How often do you have someone there to be your partner in discovering what's most important to YOU?
If the answer is seldom or never, let this post be your judgement-free first step.
Grab your journal, sit on your favorite comfy spot, or put on some soul-moving music to move through these questions:
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How do you come to conversations and relationships?
Is it from a place of genuine curiosity and ease, or is it from somewhere else?
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Are you bringing judgements and rules about 'the way things are' or 'should be' from place to place? From person to person? Are you absorbing or recycling the 'shoulds' that someone else got
in the same unconscious way?
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There's nothing wrong with this way of being. Group-think is part of human nature — so please don't go making yourself wrong for assimilating. We all want to feel safe and accepted.
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BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW. . . IF YOUR AUTOMATIC PATTERNS AND
BEHAVIORS ARE NOT WORKING FOR YOU
— YOU HAVE OPTIONS.
That's the part no one tells you.
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That you get to create your relationships HOWEVER TF you want.
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It might seem silly, and so obvious . . .
But are you actually doing it?
What if you gave yourself permission and felt supported to follow your own flow and do what feels magical TO YOU?
I was about to delete all my dating apps to take a break (yet again) when my wife first messaged me.
By that point I was exhausted from the online dating rollercoaster and did not have any energy for following rules or playing games. The moment she asked me anything deeper than, “Hi, how are you?” I told her I'd be happy to answer her other questions,
on the phone or in person.
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We both happened to be available and proceeded to have a five hour phone call. Yep. You read that right. FIVE HOURS of honest open communication with zero attachment.
And let me tell you, if the vibes were off, it would have been very clear in much less than five hours. And with other people I met on the apps, it was clear, and that's okay.
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But for P and I, the magic just kept growing.
It's still growing to this day . . .
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How did this happen? I got clear on my intentions for how I wanted to FEEL and BE through this experience, and I took actions and had conversations IN ALIGNMENT with that. I was not accepting or settling for anything that was not in line with what I was creating.
This wasn't difficult once I allowed myself to truly dream and get inspired by my vision of love.
Why would I settle for anything but magic(k) at that point??
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I surrendered to my own inner voice, my own inner knowing, and my own energy. I presented my profile, my conversations, and my boundaries in a way that felt aligned for me in that moment - and that made me magnetic. I made my own rules by not going back and forth on the app and by writing the most vulnerable authentic thing I could muster (and admit to myself at the time):
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"I'm not sure what I'm looking for on here."
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I was sure about what I wanted, I just wasn't attached to HOW it would happen. So I broke all the rules in my head about seeming confident or witty or fun, blah blah blah, and I just put it out there.
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This also allowed me to release any attachment to it looking a certain way or going a certain way . . .
And just like that, she showed up, and we've been in a beautiful magical energetic dance ever since.
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So here's your invitation to take a risk and make your own rules.
Not only on dating apps, but in all of your relationships.
If I had been following 'the rules' or playing it safe, I would have chatted back and forth on the app much longer, probably gotten in my head about saying the perfect thing, and been way more stressed out as a result.
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Who knows if we would have even created the amazing bond and partnership we have today? Would we be on this adventure?
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I'm honestly not sure, but my intuition tells me, probably not.
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Start to notice where you might be missing opportunities for magic(k) by following someone else's rules . . .
Whether you're single or not… on dating apps or not,
where are you following some
arbitrary rules in your relationships?
Where can you write your own rulebook and design your own roadmap?
What does alignment feel like for you in this moment?
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What are your intentions and how are you getting the support
you need to see them through?
During the IG Live,
I was interviewed by two people.
The second was German, who happens to be an online dating photographer, a friend, and someone I have coached in the past. Just in case you don't have time to watch the entire interview, here's a quote where he speaks about his experience with me as his coach:
“Michelle is such an amazing coach. Every time I have an issue with something in my relationship or my business I call Michelle cause she always finds the right questions to ask. I call her with my drama and she's like what's happening? Focus. She asks me the right questions and once I discover like, oh, everything is happening over here, then my whole world changes. She's an amazing coach and I would 100% recommend her with anything. And that's exactly why I go to Michelle because I don't feel judged. I don't feel like she is criticizing me, and I know that she's going to get to the point or to the bottom line.” - German Marin
Hi, I'm Michelle,
your rule-breaking relationship guide.
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I help seekers and creatives lean into their magic(k) — so they can have aligned relationships full of support, growth, and conscious communication.
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